I Wanted to Kill Myself

I wanted killing myself. I knew that drinking acid was a straight ticket to death. No one will really care if I die. I have being alone all my life. People just hang around me for what they stand to gain and when they get it they move on. Less respect they treated me with. I felt hatred at my relatives.

Remember countless night without food, bed or shelter. Money was a never dream, love was abstract, success an impossibilities. Am drench in lack and sorrows, many night alone at my corner, to my weirdest thoughts…

Now I just want all the agony to end, the pains should go away, the sleepless nights, the fear, the tears. Nothing just works right. Deep down I want to forgive all my offenders but the more I thing of what they have done the more the hatred boils up inside like a volcano about to erupt.

Standing there with the bottle of acid on my hands, my heart race with so much fear of what really is the afterlife would be…

You could relate with this at some level

No hope at all

The future

Scary

Everyone needs something the HOPE on. It’s what keep the soul going. Hope for a better life, a greater future, food clothe, extra cash to spend on stuff like school fees, hospital bills, utility bills, the necessity just piles up. How miserable life is without HOPE.

HOPE is positivity about future, I like the acronym “Have Only Positive Expectation”, it’s believing. But life has shown us again and again that HOPE on anything on earth fails. Try to take a sincere mind tour, nothing or no one can be true and totally assuring, even the insurance companies.

BUT

I have got I AM who is. God is. In Christ, He has given us everything we need and my HOPE on him is so securing. People wonder why I believe so much on someone I have not seen, it’s simply because they have not believed yet. You can’t tell the taste of an ice-cream if you don’t taste it. Only when you truly on your own and from your heart open up to God and want to experience HIM that you will.

Sickness, poverty, pain, loneliness, confused, bitter, angry, just name it, and He takes care of it all. In His words he will transforms you and gives you joy unspeakable, love unconditional and happiness unending. Yes, you can be happy.

To so many believers like me, please let’s not get tired of telling the world about this HOPE that we have. There’s no vacation in giving HOPE because every single time we relax and want to take a break there is someone loosing HOPE because we are not just saying the right word, giving smiles and laughter, blessing someone with money and kindness, let them feel the real deal about God. Let Heaven be felt here on earth, through you. Don’t be tired in well doing.

God loves you